Saturday, March 12, 2016

Separation Anxiety

She's gone. Raven is gone.

I am so sad right now. I feel a large void in my heart that I never knew existed.

We agreed to co-pet-parent since Raven came into our lives together when we were in a relationship. He said he had always envisioned his life with a dog; maybe not with a human but a dog was most definitely in his visualization for his life. Anyway, although my attempts to work it out & do better in our relationship I knew that she meant a lot to not only him but me as well. I suggested jokingly yet a bit serious about co-parenting her together. You know when you need your space after a breakup to just clear your head, figure out if you really want to be moving out without this person, how to get back on the road after this roadblock? Yeah that's what happened with him.

After 4 months, yesterday he came and picked her up for the weekend. I was shocked because I wasn't expecting it. Oh but you should have seen Raven. She jumped up and down, ran all around the house, jumped on him, whimpered with joy, panted with happiness and love that he came by. My heart was smiling hard from her unconditional expressions of love towards his presence. They have a very special bond that will never be recreated.

While she is gone for the weekend, I'm not ready to walk into the house without her waiting on me to take her out for a walk. She's only been in my life for a 1 year + half but I've watched her grow and our bond has been hand-crafted, especially now since her pops has left our once shared home. I know that had he taken her with him or worse yet that we had never met (Raven and I), I would have taken a longer time with getting emotionally stable. It was difficult. No it was tough. No our break up was one of the worst things I ever dealt with, lived through, had to experience that I know Raven gave me some of her strength to wake up every day to go to the bathroom, to go to the store, to eat, to read, to go to work.

I know that I would've moved on in time, however it takes me a long while to get acclimated to such dramatic change. Shoot, I still replay versions of people from 3 years ago.

I honestly don't even know what to do while she's gone. She's only be gone for the weekend. I wonder if she's thinking about me. I am such a sap. I never would've guessed I would be this person. The person who calls themselves a  pet parent. The person who fits their pets into every aspect of their lives. The person who goes to any store & thinks about picking up a chew toy. The person who is best friends with her pet. I am this person and it feels good. Sometimes I look at her and wonder how is she even alive... like how is she real. Sometimes I look her in her eyes and am just in awe of her.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Not what I expected

Well yeah, that didn't end well.

I'm spare you the details and just say that I'm a single pet parent now to my cutie pie. I've always wanted a dog. I've always wanted a pet that I could cuddle with and have a bond with. When I was younger, I had fish, lizards, a frog, a pet roach (lol), and a turtle. I used to allow my turtle, Vanessa, to sleep in the bed with me. Trust me I knew and understood that that's against their nature to try and get close, but I was reaching for that cuddle love. I honestly never thought it was possible for me.

Even with me maturing and growing into an adult, I didn't think about actually having a dog. I knew people in college who had off campus apartments and they had dogs or cats, but it never registered in my mine to get one. I mean I didn't get to live off campus until my 5th year of school (yes 5th year of college) and honestly I don't even think I would have wanted to spare had time, space, or money. Dogs are like babies that will never be able to talk, but at least they know how to walk and communicate in their own way, although we as humans have to really sit down and understand what they are wanting from us with that whine, grunt, whimper, and infamous puppy dog eyes.

I actually had no idea that was a real thing until Raven laid them on me one day. I was instantly put in a trance that was tough to break since she's so cute and of course I'm biased because she's my dog. Beware people, puppy dog eyes is a real thing. It might make you buy dog toys for no reason at all, it might make you feed them more of the chicken you were saving for meal prep, it might even have you late to work because you want to cuddle with them longer.

I'm saying all this to say this: THIS HAS BEEN AN ADVENTURE. I always just thought people had dogs and it was easy breezy. I have not found that to be the case. It's not hard, but it most definitely takes serious effort in understanding the dog and their cues and behaviors. I do think dogs have a certain consciousness and I do think dogs feel things that we humans feel as well. I do honestly feel like she was hurt when he left. She acted very weird. She had always been closer to him than me. They had a bond that I was envious of; because I knew when I was younger that I enjoyed the idea of a dog, but when she actually showed up in my life a year ago, I had no experience of actually taking care of a dog.

It's been hard being raising her on my own. This may sound silly to some, but I think that with anything in your life you should care for it with all your might. Be it your goals, kids, car, home, job, body, mind, furniture, pets-- take care of them with all your might. Although it's been tough to adjust, we have managed and now our bond is stronger than ever. She never used to lay with me on the couch, but now she does. It's oxytocin overload in our house now