Saturday, March 12, 2016

Separation Anxiety

She's gone. Raven is gone.

I am so sad right now. I feel a large void in my heart that I never knew existed.

We agreed to co-pet-parent since Raven came into our lives together when we were in a relationship. He said he had always envisioned his life with a dog; maybe not with a human but a dog was most definitely in his visualization for his life. Anyway, although my attempts to work it out & do better in our relationship I knew that she meant a lot to not only him but me as well. I suggested jokingly yet a bit serious about co-parenting her together. You know when you need your space after a breakup to just clear your head, figure out if you really want to be moving out without this person, how to get back on the road after this roadblock? Yeah that's what happened with him.

After 4 months, yesterday he came and picked her up for the weekend. I was shocked because I wasn't expecting it. Oh but you should have seen Raven. She jumped up and down, ran all around the house, jumped on him, whimpered with joy, panted with happiness and love that he came by. My heart was smiling hard from her unconditional expressions of love towards his presence. They have a very special bond that will never be recreated.

While she is gone for the weekend, I'm not ready to walk into the house without her waiting on me to take her out for a walk. She's only been in my life for a 1 year + half but I've watched her grow and our bond has been hand-crafted, especially now since her pops has left our once shared home. I know that had he taken her with him or worse yet that we had never met (Raven and I), I would have taken a longer time with getting emotionally stable. It was difficult. No it was tough. No our break up was one of the worst things I ever dealt with, lived through, had to experience that I know Raven gave me some of her strength to wake up every day to go to the bathroom, to go to the store, to eat, to read, to go to work.

I know that I would've moved on in time, however it takes me a long while to get acclimated to such dramatic change. Shoot, I still replay versions of people from 3 years ago.

I honestly don't even know what to do while she's gone. She's only be gone for the weekend. I wonder if she's thinking about me. I am such a sap. I never would've guessed I would be this person. The person who calls themselves a  pet parent. The person who fits their pets into every aspect of their lives. The person who goes to any store & thinks about picking up a chew toy. The person who is best friends with her pet. I am this person and it feels good. Sometimes I look at her and wonder how is she even alive... like how is she real. Sometimes I look her in her eyes and am just in awe of her.

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